Happy Sad

It is difficult to process these two conflicting feels at the same time. The happy news is that the doctor said you are a girl (probably). Not that I would be sad if you were a boy. I was just waiting to know the sex. The sad part is your growth doesn’t correspond with your age. You are supposed to be 20 weeks old, but the growth was that of a 19 week and 3 day baby.

I know my diet is really bad. But, now, I am determined to make sure I eat enough and healthy stuff. I can’t think of jeopardizing your health because of my weakness.

Today morning we went to a really bad hospital close to home. I had a bad pain in my abdomen and started worrying sick. Mom’s tend to do that! So, I rushed down there. I couldn’t wait to see you, if everything was ok with you. After it was confirmed you are doing well and I heard your heartbeat for the first time, I returned home with a smile. I slept as soon as I got home with a smile too, I was relieved and happy. Worried about your growth too.

Nowadays, I feel you moving in me. Kicking me, punching me and most probably head-butting me too! What a wonderful feeling it is. Having you so close to me, sometimes when I am sad or worried, I feel that you are giving me a comforting hug because your movements reduce. When I am happy and laughing, you start moving more, like you are having a party with me. You are such a comfort to me.

I don’t know how I am going to cope with all the love once you are born! I may just go crazy!

I love you sweetie, with all my heart. You are everything that I ever wanted.

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