How Much You Mean to Me!

Tomorrow you will be 24 weeks old as a fetus! How time flies… I remember the first time I knew I was pregnant, I was all excited and scared all at the same time. Excited because I would have an angel to dote on and scared of losing you.

Most of my days now are filled with plans of what you can do and what you can’t do, of course because I deem it safe or unsafe. What your nursery should look like and must-have. The number of bottles of disinfectant I need to stock up on, don’t want any germ on my baby. I know, I sound like this crazy, OCD-ridden, possessive female, but I just can’t help not having this protective attitude towards you.

I am really hoping that this wears off as I want you to go ahead and explore and experiment. I don’t want my craziness be an impediment to your growth. Aaaaaahhhh, this motherhood thing is crazy!

There is going to be a day when you think that I stop you from doing everything, when you think that I suffocate you, when you think I don’t know how you feel, when you think I am the cause of your unhappiness; at that time the only solace I will be able to find is that I know I am doing it for your good and safety. Your every tear and sadness will surely break my heart into a thousand little pieces and I may be more hurt than you, but I am your mother. And, mothers are meant to guide, protect, love and heal.

Because I love you like a crazy woman, I am going to do things that you may not like or understand. Now, I know and understand my mothers’ actions and so will you know and understand too. That is just the way it is meant to be, the cycle of life!

Allowing my heart to be torn and ripped apart for your safety and happiness is something I can deal with. I may not be able to deal with you being hurt, just because I wasn’t able to protect you the way I am supposed to as a mother.

I hope you read this one day and realize that your mother with all of her imperfections and mistakes still loves you to pieces. Right now, I can’t wait to hold and hug you and feel you close to me. But, I have a feeling that I would want the same even when you are 10, 20, 30 until I live!

I love you, sweetie! You are my little angel!

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