Days are passing by, weeks are going by and slowly but steadily we are moving forward towards the D-Day. Your Billi-Nani (my Khala) said something really important yesterday. She told me, “Alia, now it is not all about you. You are responsible for this new life. You have make decisions to move ahead that affect this new life positively. You can’t play around.”
Didn’t I know this? Yes, I knew this. But, when you hear it from someone else, it hits you harder. Me being pregnant with you and then, you coming into my life is/will be a big change in itself. But, does it stop there? No. I have to ensure that you are in a happy, loving and most importantly Islamic-oriented environment.
Firstly, I want you to be a good, strong practicing Muslimah. Not the types who pray five times a day but don’t mind shaking hands with men or wear hijaab that are tight-fitting, colorful, attractive clothing. I want you to try and practice Islam word by word as Allaah expects from us and as the Prophet (saws) asked us to do. I don’t want you to be swayed here and there by what people say that you should or should not do. This is my biggest challenge and fear too. I know it will be difficult, because it is very difficult for me. Being a patient Muslimah in this time and age is very very very very difficult. You don’t necessarily have the support of everyone around you, Islam is more openly ridiculed in front of you, little do people understand that Islam is perfect but the people practicing it are not perfect so mistakes happen.
This is my biggest fear for you. There are going to be many people around you who will try and sell you bogus fatawas; who will try and make what is haraam, halal; but I hope Allaah gives you the knowledge and wisdom to make the right choices. Just as I hope Allaah gives me the wisdom and knowledge to bring you up in an atmosphere where Allaah is praised and the Prophet set as an example; with the right people to support me.
Right now, I am trying to plan a little of what our future will look like. I am trying to stand back on my feet and looking for options that will be conducive to be a financially independent mom to you. Why is this step important? I want you to know that an independent woman is a stronger woman. You have the ability to make independent choices. You are not likely to be forced in an unhappy corner, unless you choose to be there. That’s one characteristic that my mom has and has imbibed in me. I didn’t think it was an important one until just recently I was rudely awakened to this fact.
I also want to homeschool you. Therefore, I have to choose my career carefully. One that will allow me the flexibility of being around you to teach you. Currently, I don’t like the idea of putting you in a school to get your education from teachers who are not inclined towards my goals and then, you having peers who could possibly not be a good example for you. I believe, and Allah knows best, that homeschooling is a far better option in creating a well educated and balanced Muslimah. Of course, I will be enrolling you in a variety of activities like sports, arts and play. I want you to be a sportsperson too and have an outlet for your creativity under professional people.
These are some of my plans for you. In the next three months, I will have to make decisions on what I want the next year to look like and what I would like to achieve as a mother, career-woman and daughter.
Decisions Decisions Decisions!
Ya Allaah, help me make the right decisions towards the prize, Jannat-al-Firdous! Ameen!