Trying to Move On

It is not easy to have a daughter and have her taken away and then, live again. It is really hard. I am trying really hard to be as productive as possible while fighting for you. My thoughts and dreams are all about you. I keep thinking of the days you would fall asleep only if I held you. And, now, you don’t even know the person who loves you the most. You are comfortable away in a different country with different people. You are happy too, that’s what I want for you. But, I also want to be part of your happiness. I miss you a lot. I keep wondering if there will be a day when you will be in my arms or that day will never come.

I am finding it so difficult to deal with all this. Pain, confusion and love all in one heart. I have no idea how I am living each day but one thing I do know is that I have hope that one day you will know the mother who loves you beyond boundaries. I just wish I held on. I should have held on. I left my most precious thing. I should have held on. I did hold on but I should have tried harder. I miss you so much. There is not a moment I am not thinking of you. This wait is so difficult.