Cried My Eyes Out…

You are four months old… Trying to be as patient as possible.

Falling in Love

Last night I watched Wall-E. It is a cute animated movie on a little robot who falls in love. As I was watching it I kept thinking of you. I want to tell you something on love.

Love is beautiful. Falling in love with that special someone is even more beautiful. You don’t understand what’s going on inside. You just fall in love. You want that person to be happy even if you have to sacrifice your dreams or ambitions or desires. Every person has a special someone in their life for whom they are willing to do anything. And, I make dua that you find yours. Someone who will keep you happy, who will make you laugh from your heart, who will make you dance with glee, who will take care of you when ill or healthy, who will love your dimples, who will love your anger too, who will comfort you when sad, who will just love you for who you are.

Love is a very beautiful and comforting feeling.

I love you and I miss you a lot!

I Just Want You To Know…

that I love you and miss you. Sometimes, I feel that I have numbed the area in my heart that loves you, which is my whole heart! I have numbed it not because I don’t want to love you anymore, but because I don’t want to feel the pain that comes along with it.

Every person has their own unique way of dealing with pain, I guess this is mine. I love you a lot.

3 Months Old!

Yes, you turned 3 months two days back. Couldn’t get myself to write. Saw your photograph yesterday, Mashallaah, you have grown up and are a cute roly-poly baby, Mashallaah.

I miss you a lot and am doing everything I can to get you back. May Allaah re-unite this mother with her little baby soon, Ameen.

Trust in Allaah

My dearest baby, this world is full of difficulties and hurdles, to face these you need to put your trust in Allaah.

“And put Your trust in the Ever Living, one who dies not, and glorify his Praises, and Sufficient is He as the All-Knower of the sins of his slaves” Surah Furqan, Verse 58

Two indicators of faith are trust in Allah and submission to Him. This is the ultimate distinguishing line between the believers and unbelievers.

An unbeliever perceives the whole world as being in a state of chaos. According to him, the situations around him take place by pure coincidence. He wants to control every little detail in his life. Such a point of view is detrimental to the mental well-being of a person; he feels insecure and never trusts anyone. Nothing eases his fears for the future. He spends long hours planning ahead. On the contrary, a believer conceives the essence of this world as he is free from such insecurities. He believes that Allah holds control over every living thing and nothing occurs without His permission and knowledge. This fact is emphasized in Surah Ar-Rum, Verse 26, “To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and the earth. All are obedient to Him.”

A very simple example of this can be seen in our day-to-day lives. You are a manager and the only employee of an organization. You have to do everything from cleaning the office to managing business affairs. That is really difficult and not an easy task. Now, you have 5 people working under you, doesn’t your life become easier? Why has your life become easier? You have delegated a part of your responsibilities to those working for you!! Similarly, Allah says, “Don’t waste time worrying over affairs, trust what has been destined to you by me”. All Allah is asking from us is our complete obedience, submission and trust in Him. Subhan-Allah, Quran is the truth!

A believer is fundamentally assured of the fact that “Allah regulates all affairs”, this is clearly mentioned in Surah Ar-Rad, Verse 2. A believer is well aware that all incidents which disrupt his normal course of life are predestined. That is why he never considers an incident to be an “unfortunate” one; though it may seem to be unfortunate. First of all, nothing is useless in Allah’s creations. Every creation has a reason and every creation is beautiful. Whatever the events affecting the life of a believer, they are definitely designed to bring goodness to him. Even if the event seems outwardly to be an unfortunate one, such as losing someone you love, a believer will persevere and put his trust in Allah. One of a characteristic of a Muslim is not feeling despair. If this were a characteristic of every individual, there would not be even one suicidal case in this world!

When we read the Quran and History we learn all the Messengers of Allah and their followers met with extremely difficult incidents. Take the example of the Sahabas when they first accepted Islam and were living in Makah. They were oppressed, threatened, assaulted and some were even killed. The most rich and affluent ones too such as Uthman ibn Affan went through this torture. Yet, they stood firm and strong and didn’t give up in their resolution. The essence of such an attitude lies solely in the consciousness a believer builds; that everything is destined by Allah. A believer is well aware of the fact that Allah always provides guidance to believers and surely places no burden on any soul that it cannot bear. There are many verses in the Quran where emphasis has been laid on the trust of the believer:
Say: “Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allah has ordained for us. He is Our Maulâ (Lord, Helper and Protector).” and In Allah let the believers put their trust. Surah Al-Tawba, verse 51)

At this point, we must avoid an essential misconception: putting the course of events in the care of Allah in no way means avoidance of becoming involved in daily affairs. There are many who take no efforts in resolving problems in their lives. Instead, they just say, everything is in the hands of Allah. On the contrary, a believer deals with every stage of a problem and shoulders all responsibilities. They take the initiative in anything they undertake by taking Allah as a guardian and helper.

I will end by stating a few promises that Allah has made to those who put his trust in Him.

Allah has promised a true believer protection from the temptations of Satan. In the Quran this is expressed in Surah An-Nahl, Verse 99, Verily! He (Satan) has no power over those who believe and put their trust only in their Lord (Allah).

Allah has also promised the true believer His compassion on the Day of Judgment, as mentioned in Surah Ash-Shura, Verse 36, So whatever You have been given is but a passing enjoyment for This worldly life, but that which is with Allah (Paradise) is better and more lasting for those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah Islamic Monotheism) and put their trust In their Lord (concerning All of their affairs).

My love, this is an important lesson which if learnt and perfected, life becomes very easy. Pain becomes manageable. Despair becomes non-existant. Eeman becomes stronger, subhanallaah. Always say ‘Alhamdullilaah a’ala kulli haal’.

Being Grateful

I realized that from the time you were taken away, I have been begging Allaah to give you back to me. I have been crying in front of him for forgiveness. Little did I realize that I had much to be grateful for too. I spoke to a very dear friend of mine, N, and she turned my attention to all that I should be thanking Allaah for. Alhamdullilaah aala kulli haal.

No doubt, I am in pain. But, at the same time, I have bought myself closer to Allaah. And, that in itself is something I should be thanking Allaah for. After every difficulty comes ease, and I will have my ease too. Allaah has promised this ease to those who are patient, and He keeps his promises. This is an important lesson I want you to learn. Life is full of difficulties and hardships, but there are also times of ease and this ease is promised by Allaah to those who are patient and have faith in Him alone.

There is no one worthy of worship except Allaah. And, be grateful to Him in times of ease and difficulty.

I Don’t Know Why…

I really don’t know why I read parenting blogs. I really don’t know! It just hurts me even more. This is so difficult. When I see photos of mommies with their babies and read them talk about how their babies are growing, my heart fills up with pain (as if I didn’t have enough to bear)! I don’t know why I still read them.

Maybe that gives me an idea of how you are growing and what you are learning. But, it also is really painful. Very painful. I love you a lot and you don’t even know who mommy is!

A Month!

The last time I remember I was celebrating a month of you being close to me. And, now, I am crying over a month of you being away from me. I hope no one ever has to feel this pain. It is an awful feeling and very difficult to bear. It is very difficult. I don’t know for how long I will have to bear this pain. Sometimes, I don’t even want to think about you, because I feel I cannot bear the pain anymore. Then, there are times, I want to know each and every thing that is going on with you, thinking it will lessen the pain. I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know what to do.

I had waited for nine whole months, dreaming and planning, for you to be in my arms. But, I never expected this to get over so quickly. I miss you so much. I miss you so much. I make duaa every moment for you to come back. I have never felt so much pain before. My baby, my daughter, is so far away from me. Maybe this pain is an expiation of my sins, alhamdullilaah ala kulli haal.

2 months and 1 week old

Mashallaah, today you are 2 months and a week old. I yearn to see you. Last night, I cried myself to sleep, this seems to be a common occurrence nowadays. I keep remembering how you would fall asleep on my chest, how I would hold you and sleep when you would be uncomfortable, how I would sing to you, how you would suddenly fall asleep with just a sip of milk.

I miss you a lot. My heart is so full of pain and I don’t know how I am bearing it!

Almost 3 Weeks

It has been almost 3 weeks since you were taken away. I haven’t seen you even once since then. Not a photograph or a webcam shot. I keep looking at the pictures that I have and miss you so much.

You must be looking different now. They say babies grow quickly and start looking different each day. I wish I could experience that. I wish I were with you right now. I miss you a lot. I have no idea when that day will be when I can hold you again close to my heart. I love you a lot and really want to share it with you. My heart hurts when I think of how far you are.